to tell the truth i really miss my friends... i mean all my friends... from muadzam, asasi and also my tesl friends...especially yesterday after the thing in putrajaya...i realized that i need a friend to talk to..so i called some of them whom are free at that moment..the victims were manja , jeepers creepers, and suzen.. since suzen was free that time and about to go out looking for some stuff with warine, i joined them. at least, being around my friends would make me put all the things that were bothering me aside..for a while, i wasnt thinking about it..
later that evening, i called lyd and suria...and then i went to sleep because that is one of the way for me to let go all of my emotional distress. however, lately it didnt work for me anymore. after i woke up, the discontentment within myself was still there. Sometimes, i feel like i'm no good at all.
have you ever feeling so down that you hated yourself too much like hell?? that was what i felt yesterday.. i felt that i'm no good and i dont have any goal in my life. i felt useless. what's worst was when i dont know what whas the purpose i'm even here?? sometimes i just dont know who am i. I dont even know how to describe myself. I was once being asked by my sister with just a simple question..very simple that it hurts because i just dont know how to answer, where to start, and what should i include in the answer to make it perfectly right...she's given me 1 year for me to find out the answer. The time is up already and i still dont have the answer. not that she comes back for an answer but, i'm just not satisfied with myself that i still do not have the answer. The simple question i'm talking about is "Who are you?", but the answer should not relate you to anybody such as "i'm someone's daughter, someone's gf, someone's wife etc...". It is just you as a person...
right now, i'm not settled yet ... i am still nobody, still fully dependent on my parents and sometime i just feel like crap. i just hope that i will find out who myself really are, and hopefully everything will just fall into its place.. i could just pray and cross my fingers, hoping for the very best.....
PS: please pray for me .. i really miss you guys...
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