i have no time to update the blog for the past few days because i was emotionally unstable (yesterday was such a drama in my life..but seriously, I am so stressed out rite now). However, I prefer not to write about that on the blog (hopefully) . Now, I would like to talk about forthcoming KPM interview on March 8th,2008.
After I missed the first interview (after a short period of consideration and also overslept), i received the second one, I see it as a second chance. And this time i decided to go for it. Here are some of the reasons why I reconsider the interview....
i) I want to be financially independent so that I have more autonomy to my own life, and have my own say on everything that I do... i can do whatever i wanted to do without having to ask from anybody for financial support.. now, at this point of my life, i depend 98% on my parents, 2% on my bf, and some extra emergency percent on my sister's account.. (mekafihhh maklam rayap yang gorjes!!).. and as the majority of the financial support are from my parents, whatever I do, I MUST INFORM them... and now that i stay at home for the semester break, i am short of money.. and i feel really really sad :( :(
ii) I wish I could stay away from home. For a few days, yes of course...but everyday?? oh no...i believe that you know what i mean.. at the very beginning u arrived, u are missed by everybody in the house..but after a while, not anymore. in my situation, when your siblings came home with their children, bibik and what not ..you are no more a special person in the house, terus turun kasta.. kene suruh buat itu laaa, ini laaa, masak laa.... i mean, they are my siblings, and that means this house is their house as well..pegi laa buat sume tu sendiri kan???buat ape plak gwe nak buat sume tuh utk depa??? i dont mind kalo buat same2 ke ape ke... tapi balik2 yang kene suruh tuh gwe..org2 lain tuh takde kne suruh pon..what makes me so irritated, when they are coming back, i dont even have my own room... even the bibiks have their room... lepas tu, ape2hal yg salah sume kite aje....orang2 yg lain tuh sume elok aje... ye laaa...org tuh sume dah kawen..dah ade anak... jarang balik umah, so sume tuh indah belake laa kan....kite ni dah duk umh...jadik laa tuan rumah diorang tetamu laa ape lagi ntah.... pendek kate dok umh ni bosan.. bosan...dan BOSAN..
iii) the third reason is somehow related to the previous reasons. now that i am at home, i am rarely go out to enjoy myself...let alone going out for date, nak gi kuar gi giant ke...nak kuar gi bank ke... pun ade org ikut...so, harapan utk gi tabung aji utk kuarkan savings adalah terbantut sama skali... dah tuh, sbb ade orang ikut, takkan laa kite nk ajak die pegi tgk wayang plak kan??maksudnye kne kuar secara bertujuan yang suci laa kan?? nak beli ape2 pun, kne bertujuan..no crap at all..yer tak kawan2?? apekah perasaan anda?? indah?? sape nak jadik anak bongsu???sape?????
iv) this one is also related to the previous ones... remember that i wrote about kne suruh2 in the second reason tuh??? i dont mind at all if they wanted to help the "guests" who come to our house, be my guest.. want to borrow the car??? pakai laa..it's not even mine yet( see?? i am not financially dependent at all..).. if you want to make any plan that includes me, inform me first... ask for my willingness BEFORE you plan... not AFTER.. and what's annoying me was, i was not being given appropriate choices..(a) It's either i go with them ( it is a 2-hour journey, and bukan highway) or (b) I'll wait for his significant other later in the afternoon to go there..either way i HAVE to go...and i DONT want to go... Because I am a stubborn person (i mean really stubborn).. I am so annoyed when people instructed me to do this and that... so, berbalik kepade cerita tadi, my tagline in helping people "kalo kite nak tolong orang,nak menyusahkan diri sendiri aje, fine..tpjgn sebab nak tolong org, kite menyusahkan orang lain jugak (yang belum tentu willing utk menyusahkan diri die utk org yang kite nak tlg)"... bukan tanak tolong, i did help sket2 ape.. die nak pinjam kete, amik laa...the previous night, i slept with the sons, and both puked on the bed sheet at two different occurrences,late night before tido and early morning, buatkan susu, pastu muntah atas baju & the bed sheet..i was not complaining at all about that..tuh pun kire tolong jugak kan..??bukan tanak tolong langsung ke ape.. and in the morning, my beauty sleep was interrupted and blom ape2 dah kne pakse pegi and kene marah when i tell that dont want to go...salah kah???? they plan without even telling me, and marah pulak kalo kate tanak??? pastu bile kite diam je tak ckp ape2 pon kene marah... only 1 answer accepted which is "YES" or "OK".. you know what kind of scolding i faced the moment i open up my eyes for a new day??? die sampai nak nangis ckp kite nih tak nak tolong laa ape laa menyakitkan ati laa..kalo dah ckp mcm tuh, what do you feel??ade rase nak tolong lagi?? ade??
satu lagi, yang guest yang sorang nih ...ade 2 kete, ade car seat, and he knew that the significant other nk pegi buat keje sampai isnin, and isnin die kne keje, tak boleh bawak 2 kete?? apakah?? i dont ask him to return the car yang die nak pakai tu pada hari tersebut...tp kalo die nk menyusahkan diri sendiri, sile laa, tapi jgn salahkan orang lain, ok?
lps tu org yg menolong nih plak, kalo nak tolong ...gi je laa tolong..duk sane ke, tido sane ke...boleh aje kan?? tak ke?? tau plak nak balik..tanak duk sane... and then all the blames were on me...lepas tu org yg pakai kete tu balik sini pulangkan kete pade ptg tuh jugak and itu pon salah gue... why me??? kate kite tak sian laa ape laaa....kan dah bagi kunci...nak pakai, pakai laa... the car wasnt mine yet, remember????????kan dah emo tu....
having said all that...sape yang masih lagi nak jadik anak bongsu??? takde laa seindah mane jadi anak bongsu nih...
so, takpe laa pun..i prefer to take the workload of a teacher rather than the "supporting details" of the reasons mentioned.
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