a gloomy one....

what has been planned earlier was that today we (my parents and i- since i am the official driver to my folks during the holiday) were supposed to go to Felda Sg. Lui (2-hour drive from Seremban) to a family gathering of my late aunt. My father insisted on going to this particular event, because at first they planned to hold the kenduri on the 29th but unfortunately one of my neighbour was going to have a wedding ceremony for her first daughter and, and since our house is very near we were obligated to help out and attend the wedding.. Since my father informed my cousins that he couldnt make it on the 29th, they were more than happy to switch the date to the 30th as long as my father could come to the kenduri (since my father is the only uncle they have left in the family..please note that my father is now 71 years old, and the last born in his family).

What happen this morning was suddenly my father could hardly walk by himself and needed a tongkat to walk (but still, i just cant believe that my father jalan pun mcm goyang sangat2, so fragile that even kalo jentik sikit pun boleh tumbang dah. seriously, i'm not exaggerating). I mean, last night he was just fine, driving to another kenduri held by a relative as well. But i dont know what went wrong, this morning he was not that good at all.. what i'm sure of is he wasnt miss his regular medication the previous night. This morning, all the joints (my father's) were aching badly , and my father can hardly walk...

At first, my sister suspected that he was infected by the new aedes disease, Chiku hape bende ntah...but after i brought my father to the general hospital, the doctor said that the disease takde laa mcm tu, however if after 3 days, the illlness become worse and if ade nmpk bintat2 merah2 kat kuli, then confirm laa bende chiku ntah hape ntah tu (hopefully tak..). And i asked the doctor if it's psoriatic arthritis, because my father has history of psoriasis..and from my reading, the disease could lead to joints inflammation.. then the doctor ckp tak jugak, and i was a little bit relief laa..tp still di selubungi misteri ...penyakit ape yg tetibe datang mcm tu aje, yer tak???

So, instead of going to the family gathering, we were heading to the general hospital laa kan....
pastu after dah balik rumah (at first, i thought that my father was going to be admitted[and we were ready to bring over some clothes and what not]- i mean, it would be good because in hospital there will be a lot of medical facilities and help in case anything happen-i'm not hoping that anything bad will happen, just to be prepared), i would run as fast as i could if i hear things fall to the floor to check on my father if he's ok, i would also run if i hear him "mengerang" to asking him if he needs anything, if i see him walking i will escort him from the back, to make sure where he's going do whatever he needs to do and escort him back to his room.. he wouldnt let me to "papah" him to his destination, so, escorting is what i could do to make sure he's ok .. it's frightening of the possibilities that could happen and i dont want to think about that at all.. all i know is that i'm extremely worried if anything happen to my father... i am just not ready... Ya Allah, please heal my father....


I dont know about how you would feel if your father suddenly tak terdaya nk jalan...but what i felt after twice seeing my father was so sick ( one, after he was having the bypass surgery, and this is the second time) oooppss..this is the third time, the second time was when he was down disebabkan oleh kayap kat kepala... i felt extremely worried and sedih jugak psl sumer orang pon tau, father figure ni once was orang yg paling kuat dlm family kite, one who suppose to protect our family at all time...suddenly i felt insecure, psychologically...bukan laa bermaksud die tak kuat nih i would be unprotected tapi insecure in terms of i'm not ready facing any loss... if you know what i mean... i dont know if i put it right in the exact words (sorry for any wrong interpretation), but that's how i feel... insecure..frightened..not ready...

so, now, i'm truly worried....please pray for my father.....